


Please Use A Chamberpot

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Bodily Functions, Canon Compliant, Crack, Gen, Historical Inaccuracy, Humor, Pottermore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 06:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17319836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When nature calls...





	Please Use A Chamberpot

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in under fifteen minutes. High literature, it is not.
> 
> Based on my own affrontry at a certain [tweet from Pottermore](https://twitter.com/pottermore/status/1081242428105998336).

He'd gotten halfway through the tour of Hogwarts when it happened.

"The staircases are enchanted to – do excuse me, nature calls."

Merlin flapped a hand at Professor Slytherin. "By all means." The professor was an enthusiastic guide, but nearly as barmy as old Dragoon. Merlin enjoyed subjecting people to his own whimsies; watching someone else do the same was not nearly so entertaining.

Salazar stood still for a long moment. There was a wet, trickling sound, and then a dark stain spread across the front of his robes, about waist high. He sighed in relief and reached for his wand. " _Evanesco_!"

Merlin carefully closed his mouth. "Don't you have… chamberpots?"

"What would a wizard need with such Muggle devices?" Salazar gave a booming laugh. "We have magic!" He waved at the staircases. "Shall we continue?"

Merlin blinked. "Do you know, I think I've forgotten a terribly important appointment elsewhere." He took a step back and prodded at the wards; not strong enough to keep _him_ from teleporting, thank all the gods. "I'll come back and finish looking around another time. Mustn't leave the Grail unprotected, and all that."

Salazar's face fell. "But we were just getting to –"

There was a loud _pop_ , and then Merlin was gone.

"– the good part."


End file.
